How to improve relations?
Women often do not think about the past of the elect. Even if they know that their loved one was once a family and children, they hardly worried about it on the wedding day, when nothing seems to be, can not overshadow the celebration. But sooner or later, if your husband is a decent man, you have to establish contact with the child of her husband’s first marriage, and it might not be as easy as many think.
To begin with we should not forget that we are all human, and we are not alien to human passions. Often women, especially young and do not have their children, showing to the child of her husband banal jealousy. This baby is it a reminder of what was once their beloved husband was so happy on the other, that it entered into a marriage and started a common children. Step on the throat of his jealousy. Be aware that the “ex-child” for a normal parent does not happen, and no matter what happened between your husband and his ex-wife, the child should not suffer because of the conflict of adults.
Begin to suit the fact that your husband, unlike many indifferent scoundrels, loves his child and is ready to take care of it, no matter what. Do not let your negative and, by and large, unreasonable emotions come between you, your husband and child. And then it will be easier to understand and accept the little man who is quite certain way, too, it is part of your new family.
But what if you are ready to open the gates of his soul towards the child of your husband, but he is in no hurry to respond to you in return? Such situations are the most common and should be treated phased resolution. Often, a child of her husband’s first marriage, comes to you in the house, begins to behave inappropriately and aggressively rude criticism, reminds you that you – only the second woman in the life of his father, and in the first place will always be his mother.
And, despite all of your attempts to win its location, according to you his personal enemy.
Well, try to look at what is happening from the perspective of the child. He lost his previous family, his beloved father lives no longer with him and his mother, and with a strange woman, and coming to the Pope to visit, he will now have to communicate with her, ask her permission to do anything, good cheer prepared her dishes and to think that in her place quite recently was his mother. Believe me, for a child such a situation is very heavy, almost “very heavy” and that the task of adults – your husband, his ex-wife, your – comes to help him deal with it.
First, try to make your husband and child for some time conducted tete-a-tete, without your presence. Send them to the movies, the zoo or cafe, and if they want something to do with the house, tell me what you need in the shop and ask for something to buy. Do it gently so that the child and her husband did not think that you want them to run off because you hate such a society. Without you, more or less rarefied surroundings, they will be able to discuss a lot about what if you would not talk.
Second, do not try to bribe the child. Believe me, the children – are not fools, they are even better than adults feel the intentions of others. If you sincerely want to do a selfless gift to man that you cute, baby will feel it, but he will feel if you are every two days will give him a toy or candy with a single purpose – to win sympathy. Be attention for the child, but do it honestly, not grinding his teeth, and you will see how gradually his attitude towards you will change.
Third, talk to her husband on the souls. Admit it openly, they would like to find a common language with his child, but you can not. Ask that, from his point of view, you do not, and what you need to do to establish contact with the child. Let your spouse understand that you are tuned favorably towards his daze, while it will almost certainly feel a sense of guilt. Maybe a father would be a bridge between you, if he sees that you are really worried about the emotional state of his child, that you understand it and are going through.
Fourth, take the time and opportunity to be with the child alone, without the presence of her husband. Perhaps not for long, sending your Blessed to shop for salt or sweets for tea. During this time, try to communicate with his child, do not be silent, ask your child for help, ask his opinion, leave him some little secret (“Do you think it would be better to give your dad a birthday? Let’s discuss it until it No, but he did not say, to get a surprise “). Let the child know that you are not against it, you are with him on many issues at the same time, you trust him and want him to trust you.
Try to find a middle ground in dealing with young men, do not go at it on occasion, but do not overdo it with the attempts of education. If you are going to do it notes on every occasion, it is likely to hear a response something like “You do not mother to point!”. Softly and gently let the child understand that in this house you have sufficient rights in order to point out the inconsistency of his conduct of the situation, but in any case do not claim that you are the hostess, and he’s just a guest. For the child, it will be very painful blow that would nullify the “no” to all of your previous efforts.
It is also possible that a child against your former spouse adjusts your husband. Abandoned wives are touchy and vindictive, and from a purely human point of view they can be understood. So do not grieve in the presence of a child, his mother does not speak of it negative, even if the child is quoted her unflattering reviews about your person. Explain that the mother is very upset and hurt, so says things like that, but over time it may change its point of view. In the end, we are all in the heat of negative emotions say what later regret.
Do not press down on the child, give him time to realize and accept the situation, or at least refer to a psychologist for advice and counsel. Of course, the three family campaign is unlikely to happen, so as accurately and in detail tell a specialist about the problem that has arisen in your new home. Let him give you specific personalized recommendations. Of course, it is unlikely that you are the first child of her husband will become the best of friends, but remember that even a bad peace is better than a good quarrel. The main thing is not to give up, to work actively in a given direction, and gradually your relationships with loved ones to make peace, tranquility and harmony.