The coaches Natalia Michael-What should parents do if your child steals?
Child stealing is a quite common problem, frightening for any parent who is faced with it. Although almost any child, including their own parents in childhood, at least once took someone else’s, adults usually tend to panic if it happens to their child.
There are several reasons why children steal:
If it’s a small child, 3-4 years, usually he doesn’t understand boundaries, where my, where someone else. In this age of child stealing cannot even be called such a term, because the child is not aware of property boundaries.
Not high enough self-esteem of the child. This child thinks that the other is always better.
The motivation is to attract the attention of peers: the child has no relations with peers in kindergarten, at school, in the yard, and the child, finding no other solution, you may take the money and buy a variety of sweets, treat all these friends, getting the attention and recognition he so wanted and waited. Typically, these thefts tend to make children 6-8 years of age and adolescents.
Theft may be a way of self-affirmation of the child, and this is also a signal of distress, when the child does not feel enough love of parents towards him or even each other.
Another reason for theft: the desire to take revenge on someone, to feel control or power.
The weakness of strong-willed.
Pressure bad company.
Teenagers sometimes steal for fun, and it becomes a habit.
In extremely rare cases, we can deal with the illness kleptomania.
Sometimes parents themselves to understand the causes of child stealing is quite difficult and here to help the good advice of a specialist. In any case, you, as parents will have to respond to the incident.
There is a technology gramotnogo behaviour of the parents that help to stop the theft, regardless of whether small children or older. When applying this technology to move step by step:
Step 1. Keep calm and try to find the cause of theft.
Suppress in yourself experiencing the emotion, do not react to the theft, as if it was a reaction to the theft of an adult. Remember that the reaction of anger leads to repeated theft. Do not yell and not scandals and bole do not use physical force, as such a behavior can only exacerbate the problem. To speak with a child who has committed a theft, you should kindly and privately, in private. Ask the child the following questions:what happened? Where and when did this happen? With whom was your child? Why did he steal? Unfortunately, the direct question “Why did you do it?” leads nowhere.
It is important to remember two “not” in parental behavior. Firstly, do not react too sharply. Of course, you will be angry and upset, but try to stay calm. Secondly, don’t blame the child stealing and don’t call him a thief.
In this step, you will have to ponder the following questions:
· Have there been any changes in the family such as divorce, new baby, new job, etc. because of which the child does not receive enough attention?
• Shows whether the child is impulsive and does he wish fulfillment immediately?
• Maybe he’s indifferent and therefore not aware of the resentment that causes the victim?
• Maybe the child didn’t learn such concepts as honesty, ownership, and the need to ask permission?
• Maybe your family is not strict rules concerning property?
• Maybe he is being pressured peers, and he needs to be accepted in this group?
• Maybe the child is evil or envious, and thus tries for someone to get revenge?
Step 2. Explain your position on why stealing is bad .
Describe the child their views on honesty. Do not read morals. Be concise but firm: “We never take other people’s things. We need to trust each other. I hope that you will respect the property of others and will always ask permission before you take someone else’s thing.” If your child is older, you can discuss with him the possible consequences of theft, such as loss of friends, bad reputation, loss of trust and problems with the law.
Children often do not realize the pain of others in some moments. Invite a child to consider how he would feel if his favorite toy was stolen? The older child will ask the same question, only connected with his pocket money for the month.
Step 4. Firmly insist on rectifying the situation.
The best solution is to require that the child apologized to the victim and returned the stolen item. In this word WE operate, let them know. what you will be next, will accompany the child. If the theft occurred in the store, talk with the owner of the store, friendly seller forgiven child of the offense. If the thing is damaged or it cannot be returned, the child must pay the cost out of her allowance.
If stealing becomes a frequently recurring feature of the behavior, think about the advice of a specialist. This behavior should be immediately stopped.
A little bit about prevention:
The main thing to aspire to your child – to delight you, their parents. It is the tendency of nature to all children. So become closer to him, Express more love and care. Parents often know all the adventures of your child’s body with what weight he was born, when I went, eats, sleeps, learns how. Often the more subtle experiences of the child, his hopes, feelings, problems, remain behind the scenes.
Communicate with the child informally. Help the child to understand his troubles. Talk to him not only about school or cleaning a child’s room.
You need to spend with the child for a while “just because”: to walk, to play, to watch cartoons, talk, word to communicate and get pleasure from it. It is clear that modern parents who are forced to do everything on the run, often can’t find time to communicate with the child “just because” and not for any purpose. What can you do? In fact, the time can be found. When the weather permits, take a day off for. It would be good to bring some friends of your child. This way you kill two birds with one stone: first, the company will be easier to communicate with the child. And secondly, you will learn, with whom and how it communicates, and will gradually be able to control this process. When you are together with a baby kindle a fire or roasted in the fire sausages, these moments become minutes of your intimacy. Don’t have to say son or daughter preachy things, more important just to be with them “together”, and soul, and thoughts.
It is important to encourage the presence of friends of the child in your home. Yes, it’s troublesome, but it is also prevention of teenage crisis. When you are a child in school or to drop out of school, this time can also be used for communication. Tell him about yourself: your thoughts, views, feelings, about his childhood, about their joys and concerns(about the problems, of course, within reasonable limits, and he understands the language). Almost any age, you can resume reading at night or just reading aloud, you just pick the appropriate age and interest of the book. And then these books can discuss. You can even discuss jointly viewed cartoons.
Paradoxical as it may seem, harder to agree with himself, is much more difficult to learn to get pleasure from communication with the child when you’re tired and your only desire is to have all of you behind. But this is the problem of the parents, and the topic for another discussion.