The education of the child in a single-parent family.
According to demographer A. G. Volkov, among preschool children every tenth child is brought up by one parent, and among children of school age — one in seven. Today among single-parent families remain the most common “parent” of the family. However, more and more increases and the number of families with single fathers. How does the incompleteness of the family on the emotional health of the child? What can be associated implicit and explicit educational risk single-parent families and how to cope with them?
Each parent families — a story. This family arises in connection with the widowhood of a parent, divorce, and nonmarital birth.
No matter how tragic the formation of single-parent families due to the early death of a parent, her educational atmosphere is considered to be more favourable compared to previous versions. Especially if you keep the old family ties that provide emotional support and compensate for the lack of communication, and the remaining parent has the respect and help of family and friends.
The presence in a single-parent family of several children also allows partly to compensate for the incompleteness. If adults behave correctly, the eldest child will be for both Junior “leading”, a stimulus in the social sphere. The senior will be able to stand on the position of the defender, to feel life so he needed confidence. It is known that in single-parent families-siblings, much less competing and more emotionally attached to each other. Invaluable usually the help of grandparents.
Mothers raising children without the involvement of fathers are twice as likely than married women, evaluate the process of education as difficult. The single mother often come to various fears and concerns: “how not to spoil”, “not strayed from hands”, “suddenly manifest the bad blood”. Then the mother begins abruptly dosing manifestation of affection, try — especially when dealing with his sons — to play the role of “strict fathers”. and usually it does not lead to anything good. Because children have different perceptions of authoritativeness paternal and maternal. Criticism of a father — it’s just criticism; the parent is subconsciously perceived by the child as a rejection of love. Child or begins to fight for the need to feel loved and important, using the entire Arsenal of available means, including stubbornness and tantrums, or give up and grows childish, taking the norm of the total domination of women. And it is fraught future deformation gender identity, impaired emotional ties with the world of people.
The opposite of the tough position of a mother-to-child advocates the position of the universal pity for the “orphan”, which by definition is allowed all. This creates conditions for the emergence of egoistic aspirations for the child, he is deprived of opportunities to learn self-confidence and does not receive the sincere experience of the presence of an adult in his life.
In families that parents come before children not only in parental roles, but as man and woman in the marital partnership. It is this facet of interpersonal relationships is a shortage of single-parent families. As a result there often occurs a redistribution of roles according to the principle of “the Holy place is never empty”. Life in a single-parent family often encourages the child to implement functions such as “filling-in from family members”, “friends in family unions”, “to keep the family secrets”. This early experience has a strong impact on the psyche of a child, traumatic affects the process of sex-role socialization.
Adapting to a different lifestyle in the role of a parent ’s without a pair”, the development of new forms of family life — in a difficult psychological task. For divorced parents is a real test of maturity. But the difficult situation forced to grow up faster and the baby. For him life after the divorce of his parents — it’s breaking the usual relations, conflict between attachment to father and to mother. And the most profound impact divorce has on children. Because of their age conservative tendency to stick to the usual forms of behaviour and the established order, children have a hard time adapting to the new. Tie baby scarf is not, as usual, and he will not rest until you tie up properly, — what can we say about such a radical change habitual way of life!
In a single-parent family, especially formed after the divorce, the relationship between the remaining parent and child can develop on the model of “cult of self-sacrifice” when parents and children are linked together not only by love and care, but also by suffering, pain, sorrow. This family has lots of insecurity, anxiety, worry, gloomy moods. When a parent is immersed in a world of his own experiences, he is emotionally “leaves” my child, what children begin to weaken your body and soul, feeling not only the loss of her father, but — in part — her mother.
Today, fathers are much more involved in the upbringing and care of the child literally from an early age. So now his absence is felt by the children stronger and feels heavier than in the past. Without the father the child lack of authority, discipline, order, harder forms emotional restraint, self-respect, self-discipline and organization, gender identification is difficult. Important is the style of behavior of a mother towards her ex-husband. Some never mention it and pretend, contrary to the memories of the children that the father they never had. Others try to erase from the memory of children every positive memory of him — allegedly lousy husband and father. In these cases, the mother is undermining the development of self-esteem, self-esteem of the child — it is difficult indeed to consider themselves good, considering that you produce a bad and unworthy person. And the most wise mother gives the children an idea about the father as a person, which has its own positive features and drawbacks.
As noted by a renowned expert, founder of family counseling, Virginia Satir, the easiest for the mother — to inspire children what the father “bad”. But in this case, the boy often pays development complexes, and the younger girl becomes hard to imagine that a man may be desirable.
What can you advise to parents raising children in a single-parent family?
Talk with your child and listen to him! Maintain your desire to be understood and heard when he talks about kindergarten or school, so as to remain in contact with him.
Often praise, not punish! Emotionally stable and optimistic atmosphere in the family will retain the child’s trust to the world, strengthen self-esteem and confidence.
Treat with understanding to the right of the child to the memories of the past.
Do not shift the functions of the absent parent on the shoulders of their children!
Help your child to master the skills of behavior appropriate to their sex.
Develop social ties with his family . so the child can actively communicate and establish a comfortable relationship with your fellow men.
Try to remarry and return to life as a family.