Your child is an outcast.
W e admire the school success of the child. We grow up in his own eyes, when we hear rave reviews about it teachers, friends, neighbors. But all this may erase one flash news — among peers, the child suddenly became an outcast…
Mitya grew up in a close-knit, happy family. All my free time parents devoted to him. Their relationship reminded idyll. From the destructive influence of the kindergarten boy prudently fenced, taking home a governess. From the lack of friends he had suffered, he had enough close parent world.
When Mitya had gone to school, it seemed that no problems are anticipated. He was precocious and clever, well thought and written, fluent read. Until the middle of the school year, all went smoothly. Mitya was considered one of the best students in the class. And suddenly such a dramatic change to school is almost with tears, all questions are answered vaguely and reluctantly, gets angry and explodes on every occasion. From a freedom and confidence has not waned.
Parents learned that his son became a target for ridicule and insults from classmates, without going into details, they moved him to another school. But it has happened again. Then there was a third school, the fourth, fifth… Until, finally, the psychologist, which is approached by desperate parents, explained what was going on.
Happened what they least suspected, carefully shielding the child from external contacts — in its eight years, easily and directly communicating with adults, he absolutely did not know how to build relationships with peers and because every team sooner or later became an outcast.
According to psychologists, the first class — a turning point in the life of every child. And compared with the kindergartners, who even before school has developed some norms of conduct among their own kind, home children who have contact with peers is limited (or no), go through this very difficult time. They are more vulnerable and impressionable, less flexible and diplomatic. Besides, the more the child effeminate and zalaskat than often used to feel like the center of the Universe, the sharper and more dramatic perceived inevitable change of scenery.
Many believe that the type of temperament and psychological characteristics of a person determine the attitude of others. And deeply mistaken — the melancholic and phlegmatic (or introvert), having at least a little experience, no less likely to feel comfortable in the team, than the choleric, sanguine (or extroverted). Even the single, voluntarily isolating themselves from many of the contacts that are able to establish a comfortable distance, without causing rejection and rejection from classmates.
But if the child has any physical defect, he often risks becoming a victim of aggressive perception. The same fate may befall the stammering, bespectacled and just poor health of children, those who are frequently sick. Children aged eight to nine years of very abusive with those who are not like them. It will pass over time, of course, if the teacher and the school psychologist will help Tatralandia child to Express themselves and other classmates can see it.
Unfortunately, it is often quite the opposite. The teacher, without thinking about the consequences, easily reward his players dissonant epithet, thereby provoking the corresponding relation thereto peer — mockingly ironic to hostile-aggressive. And this applies not only to those who are already suffering from disability, but does not fit the image of the ideal pupil created by traditional pedagogy.
To the child, for example, are slower than others learning the school curriculum, rash is labelled as such are the facts; and by the restless pochemuchka — label upstarts. Lofty words about the rights of the child to self-determination and individual approach is often thwarted by the unwillingness and inability to grasp the pace and rhythm of development of each. Therefore, individual advice to parents giving away the child in first grade: meet the teacher (or teachers) of the chosen school before you take your child to the interview, watch how she interacts with children during recess (if not volunteered for the lesson, and try to understand how your views on the education coincide with its views and demands — too abrupt change of relationship to the child can lead to the most unpredictable consequences.
In expensive private schools that are available only to parents with fat wallets, the problem of the difference of social status honored and often fueled by parents. Children from less wealthy families sometimes meet with a condescending and dismissive attitude on the part of more affluent peers. If this still condone and teachers, consider the situation hopeless and as soon as possible take the child out of this school.
In all other cases categorically refuse hasty decisions. It is still unknown whether the child is better in a new place. Before you transfer him to another school, try to understand what prevents him to feel comfortable in this. If the school has a psychologist, turn to him. In many schools there are now even entire psychological services. Often psychologists themselves, without waiting for the request of parents, begin to work with children who have difficulties in communication.
Well, if the psychologist at school there, try to conduct a mini-survey, but carefully, and sensitively. First, draw a picture with words of a child, asking him about the teacher and classmates.
Quite possibly, he doesn’t want to speak on this painful theme for him, refusing once again to stir their emotions. Then try to establish contact with the teacher understand whether he is ready to support your child. At the same time ask about the atmosphere in the class: what class is friendly and cohesive or fragmented, divided into small groups. Perhaps all conflicts erupt just from the nervousness and irritability guys, and extinguish them with a few extracurricular activities.
If the atmosphere is generally benevolent, then maybe it’s your child? Swing parental ambitions and look at him objectively — maybe he is not able to communicate with peers and with his own attacks provokes conflicts? And if your excessive clarity in his communications to blame?
But even if, in your opinion, the situation is deadlocked, the last word still leave behind a son or a daughter. It’s likely that they will prefer to stay in the same environment. Yes, conflict with peers is their pain, their war, but they may be more important to survive in this war and not to give in your persistent persuasion to change the environment?
To understand all this as early as possible is important, yet a tiny spark turned into a raging flame. If you can help the child to overcome opposition in the primary school, and in the future he will be able to protect themselves from ridicule and insults, although, of course, from small flashes and clashes with classmates during adolescence it is not insured. However, like any teenager, because at this point, sharpened senses, self-determination often occurs at the expense of another.
Be careful — sharp and hasty intervention during this period can only be harmful to your child. But no need to panic: your sensitivity, care and necessary distancing will show you the right way in any situation.